The Moon's Death
by milk-kun
Summary: 'I've lost it! I can't remember it! I have to - I need to.' Grey clouds loom around the hilltops as I just stare, pointlessly, at the sky. Something's up there. Something that'll help me remember. 'I have to go there.' My words seem lost in the abyss of sooty clouds. Rated T because some swear words used.
1. Prologue

'Are you awake, Gaius? ... Gaius?' She spoke the last word with joy, as such, more song-like than before. 'Wake up, it's time for your medicine. '

Her face was darting, bouncing off each wall as it hit it. Her pink hair was now more radiant than ever; eyes rolled round and round in their socket.

I close my eyes. I can feel he freezing sweat on my forehead, panic cold in my mind.

I've lost it! I've forgotten!

Even in the darkness I could see the world spin round and round. There's a great buzzing noise living in my head until, for a moment, her soft voice broke it again.

'Gaius, just for a moment, wake up...'

It was Olivia's voice, I know that. She is the only one who can excused from the battling without being greatly missed. Besides, even if I didn't recognise the voice, she is the only one with pink hair in our army at the moment.

The darkness the screamed and whirled around me.

I've lost something. It's completely gone. What... what was it? Ah damn - it was bloody important. I have to remember it - I have to!

Struggling, I began to search for consciousness, and a long way off I heard myself groan.

'Here we go.' Another voice. ... Fredrick? No... it was... was... Henry? Yeah. It was Henry. I feel myself sigh. Wait - WHAT WAS HENRY DOING HERE?!

A rather unnerving arm, propping up his shoulders, placed something in my palm. I think was the medicine. Maybe?

Whatever it was, I feel it dissolve into my hand and sprint around inside my veins, reaching from my head to feet. Even though it may seem very calming to have something heal you gently, it isn't. Trust me. He world's spinning again and panic is rushing back to me.

A few faint words flash through my dazed mind and away like the climax of music; my memory is clutching, grasping: 'On the day of the dead's moon -'

Olivia's staring down at me, I can feel it, most likely worriedly. I'm not too sure what face I'm pulling but, unfortunately, it's probably a very pained one. 'W-what did he say..?'

Suddenly, I felt energy; I sat bolt upright, eyes wide and staring.

'On the day of the dead's moon -' I look at her, pleadingly, without meaning to. 'That's all I can remember! It's gone! Why? There's somethin' I really needed to remember! Damn and doubled damn - what was it?' My face crumpled as I fell back helplessly, tears forming at the back of my eyes. She's stroking me gently on the back. That's all she can do. We aren't really that close and she knows I don't like physical contact too much. But still, in a few moments, I began to relax. It's nice, soothing, having someone here. Someone who is now acting like the motherly figure I hardly had.

She looked up in distress at Henry.

'Is he...' she pauses, thinking, probably, about how word this nicely. 'Delirious?' She whispers.

The dark mage shakes his head and I sigh to my myself.

'No, I think he's way past that,' he's speaking like he knows all about it. I hope he does...

'Physically, the worst is over. This is um... more like a... bad dream, nightmare, yes. Though... he might have lost some of his memory...' Henry practically squeaks the last few words of hat sentence. Shit. If he's right then... then I've lost it. Sugar.

I fall asleep again, quite easily by accident now. The world around me just fades, as I hear the first few words of their conversation.

...Something about me getting sent to the commander...

... in a week...

... to stay there...

...

.

.

.


	2. One Word

I remember Sumia saying, 'They all only speak commands or battle tactics, most of the time. Even Anna.'

'Sugar,' was really all I could reply with.

'But don't worry,' she carried on saying, 'Sooner or later they'll switch to the English everyone else speaks!' She actually sounded rather enthusiastic about them 'switching to English' but obviously didn't want to show it.

So now, here I am in all my glory, waiting for the slightest bit of energy. I'm not _not_ fit - don't get me wrong - it just seems harder than it should be today. I've done way longer hikes than this, in fact, I'm surprised this isn't a park, but today, I think I'm dragging an extra weight. I think it's because if... _when_ I get there, they might think I'm there for fighting purposes and then Bub - I mean Robin - might use me in his plan then I'll just ruin everything.

I sigh once more. If I got a sweet every time I've sighed, I'd be the king of sugar. If only I did...

BUT that's not the point. What if when I get there, Chrom doesn't want me there.

I need to stop worrying - it isn't like me to. I'm good. I'm fine. Everything is good.

I look up at the early morning's sky and feel the light, thin drizzle on my face. I think I'm paler than Chrom right now - geez. Heaving myself up, I take a look around me. I'm in the middle of nowhere, actually, just on the outskirts of nowhere. I think I've got at leas another two hours walk before I arrive at their camp. Ugh...

That's one more sweet.

I pretty much drag my feet along the grassy floor, eyes not being taken off the long hike ahead. I mean, it wouldn't seem that long if I hadn't been ill of like... I dunno... 2 months? I've hardly been outside and rarely used my legs, so this is just my _most preferable_ thing to do. Great fun.

I don't think I've actually gone very far in the space of 6 minutes. The grass looks the same. I bet Blue or Bubbles would be able to tell if I've moved anywhere.

It's starting to rain harder, so I start to pick up my pace. It wouldn't do much difference but at least I'd have a reason to be tired when I reached the camp. As I ran, I could feel the grass scratch each time I stepped in the wrong place. The buzzing in my head found it's way back and continued to screech at me everytime I moved. I guess running isn't the best thing to do but I had to get there. I'm not even sure why I'm trying to get quickly, they don't care, I can't help them in battle. I'm useless. I'm not even sure if they know I'm coming.

Give me a sweet then.

I feel like shouting, screaming at the top of my lungs. I haven't. I haven't raised my voice in... at least three months...

 _"CHROM, NO!"_

I think he's alright now. They would've protected him; I'm sure of it.

But I need to shout, disturb the peaceful, empty landscape.

I feel my legs giving up on me, and I drop to my knees.

It's hailing now. Hailing. Hailing endlessly down on me.

My hair's plastered to my face, the world's spinning again. The buzzing's back, louder now - horribly loud.

 **Is this really happening?!**

I can't do anything except sit here. Henry told me that if I ever feel like this, 'Take medicine immediately, don't wait or it'll get worse.'

I'm in the middle of nowhere, with no one, and no medicine.

Mist's taking over the land now. Hiding everything and anything from the world. It's getting difficult to breathe smoothly, for me anyway. Darkened, shadowy and lifeless. That's what the universe feels like now, I can tell. It's practically black mist, fog even now.

Everything's dancing around me. I can feel tears form. I can hardly hear myself think.

Speaking out loud to myself, I try to reassure myself of everything. Nothing gets better though. Nothing.

'Please... someone... please... help... anyone... someone... please...'

My heart is burning to ashes and my head is pounding. Hardly breathing, I shout something (more like whisper something) to the galaxy.

 **Help.**

Nothing happens for what seems like a thousand years. All happiness is ebbing it's way out of me.

I try to remember how it felt when Olivia stroked my back.

How it felt when Henry gave me the medicine.

How soft Olivia's voice was.

How kind she was when she said that she'd look after me.

...

How I felt when I was taken away from Chrom.

When I was yanked away from my extasy.

When I was told I couldn't do what I loved with who I loved.

How I swore I'd never be happy again when told me that I never fight seriously again.

I've never realised how hard bliss is to find. Once you have it, you forget what it's like to live without it. Then you're suddenly rid of it again. And part of you dies inside. And you don't know how to get it back.

Nothing makes any sense to you anymore. Nothing.

You try to live through life, happily, but you fail. You always fail. Nothing compares to what you had.

I need someone.

I wish I could go back. I'd tell 'em that the army's moved camp and I can't find them. After all, they'd never find out. I _want_ to but I don't _need_ to. I need to go to where the air is actually breathable and the food is actually edible.

I think...

I think I can hear feet. Yeah - footsteps!

Wait - I can't let them see me like this.

Sugar.


	3. How I Missed It

I was right. To a degree. I could definitely footsteps but it has to be more than one person. I can just see the vague outline of their feet. Maybe they heard me. Or the Gods told them that I had asked for help. Or, most likely, they're here because they are. Whatever happened, they're here now.

I can just make out voices. I think they're all men... no. No, that's Lissa's voice. Lissa's voice?! That means Chrom's here too, which means Robin and Frederick are too. Sugar. Frederick's here. Damn and double damn.

I'm trying to stand up now, but it's no use, my legs don't want to work with me. Gravity's taking hold. My head's still shrieking at me but I can't do anything to stop it.

Geez, I must look like a madman, sitting on the floor talking to myself.

The world around me is now doing a slower dance, a ballroom dance. Everything's blurry and now their figures are becoming more noticeable than before, despite my eyes playing tricks on me. On one hand, I don't want them to see me like this, but on the other, I need them to help me. Shit...

Well I can't do much to change anything now, I'll just let fate decide.

'But Chrom!'

'I'm sorry, Lissa, we can't.'

'He's right, Lissa,' Robin agrees, 'You should've asked earlier.'

What the... what are they talkin' about?

'Milord,' Frederick stared right at me. Sugar.

'Yes..?'

'Sorry to interrupt, but isn't that the man we were meant to pick up and take to camp?'

Meant to pick me up?! Don't tell me I Olivia misread what they wrote!

'Who, Gaius?' Chrom follows his stare and sees me too, 'G-Gaius?!'

Damn and double damn - she obviously did.

Chrom rushes over to me as Frederick rolls his eyes. Robin and Lissa look at each other than follow him.

'Gaius!' he skids on his knees in front of me.

'H-hey, Blue~' Shit. My voice faltered. My voice never falters. Ever.

He looks at me, concerned. 'Gaius are you alright..? What are you doing out here? We were just going to take you back to camp.'

I look down for a split second then back up at him. I try to focus on him but he's spinning round and round again. Everything around him is blurry and smudged. The stupid illness.

'Yeah, I'm fine, just... just tripped over.' I laugh quietly and awkwardly and he just gives me a look.

He sighs, stands up and holds out his hand, 'Gaius, I know you're not.. We shall try to get back as quickly as possible. Tell me how you feel. Truly.' I reach out a shaky, pale hand and take his. I don't really want to because my legs won't hold me up. Heavily, I haul myself up. He doesn't seem to mind though. In fact, he smiles at me for a second. When he lets go, I fall again. Well, I half-fall. He catches me. Sugar... I feel like... I feel like I can't do anything.

'G-Gaius? Are you alright?' worriedly, he looks into my eyes.

'Yeah. Yeah, I'm good. S-sorry, my legs won't um... won't work.' I grin again at him and smiles once more back.

We stay in the warm embrace for what seems like forever. So this is happiness? Damn, I missed it.


	4. Hold me Now

**A/N:**

 **I'm so sorry for not writing this for 7 months ! donfgdvs  
I guess I've just been really busy and stuff ffff - but I should continue with this a bit more now. I've been off school yesterday and today because of illness, so I think I can relate to Gaius quite well haha !  
Btw, 'Hold me Now' by Red fits so fucking well with this story hh. bUT IT HURTS SO MUCH HHHHHH**

I jolt up suddenly, sweat-beads dripping from my forehead. My head is pounding and I can hear my heart thundering in my chest. My hands are shaking. I'm shaking. Everything aches; I can't focus, my eyes won't let me. In the vague distance, I can feel tears streaming down my face. It hurts, but it's not painful.

Shadows dance on the side of the tent to broken melody of the wind. Trees shiver and grass quakes; the birds' shattered shrieks get yanked to a stop. The sky looms above everything, taking complete control just to mock us. To laugh.  
But now the silence rings. It echoes off every surface it can find, drilling itself into our unconscious minds.

'G-Gaius..?' a faint voice drags me back to the surface. I turn, and Chrom's there. He's lying next to me. Ah sugar - this must be his tent. ..what happened..? Why don't I remember getting here? Did I pass out? Is this a dream? Am I hallucinating? What's real? -  
I must've been crying harder because he sits up pulls me close.

'But Chrom!'

Gently wiping away my tears, he looks, concerned, into my eyes. I can only gaze back into his. He's so perfect, inside and out. He's saying something quietly to me, but I can't hear a word. I still can't tell if I'm dreaming or not. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I feel right when I'm with him. I need him. He is my only perfection and I'm his only flaw.

Chrom's eyes are crystals, precious and shining, even at the darkest of moments. His skin is melting snow, I swear, pure white, delicate and soft. His hair light and fluffy. And his bloody beautiful mind; it's a galaxy of mysteries, amazement and beauty. It's wisdom and love, sorrow and bliss. It's exactly what I need. He's my drug, my only drug. And, oh gods, I missed him.

He softly rubs circles on my back, as I rest my head on his shoulder. He must know that I'm not going to talk. To be honest, I don't know why. I think it's because I'm terrified of what I will say; which unwanted words I will use. The river of endless uselessness flows down Chrom's arm and lands on the ground. Chrom doesn't seem to mind. I hope he doesn't mind. I mind. ..I think. I never cry and it's weird. It hurts but it doesn't. It's giving up, but not failing.

I'm so glad it wasn't Chrom though, getting the poison like he was meant to. I - we wouldn't be able to cope without him and... this is bloody torture let me tell you. It's seeing your goal and knowing exactly how to get to it, and then having someone telling you won't ever be able to do it and dragging you away. It's finishing climbing a mountain just for someone to shove you off. It's getting your confidence up to confess your undying love for someone and then watching them tell someone else the same. I'm so glad he's here.

I can't even tell if I'm breathing anymore, I just feel his worried yet relaxed exhales and inhales. I don't care though. I was crying out and he caught me just when I needed it. As long as he's alright, I know I'll be too; as long as he loves me, I know I'll live.

 **'I love you.' I whispered.**

I felt Chrom go ridged. He pulled away from me and refused to look me in the eye. I just stared.  
'I-I'm so.. so sorry G-Gaius..' The tears now started to fall from his too eyes, so I went to wipe them away with my hand but he pushed it away. Wh-what.  
What's wrong? What did I do? What happened? Is he alright? _What happened?_

He starts to shake, hiding his face in his hands. He kepts repeating the same sentence over and over again: 'I'm sorry'.  
'W-what.. what happened? What's the matter?' he glanced back up at me, then began to cry harder.  
'T-they - e-everyone thought you were not going to survive ..' he sniffed. 'A-and they did not know about you and me ... a-and-' he attempted to wipe away his tears. 'T-they forced me to m-marry next month-' and with that, he stood up and ran out.

The darkness engulfed me once more.


End file.
